It would've been a very happy birthday Papa...

...had you been here. I am told you're in a "better place" and you probably really are. It's just that it's bloody hard getting used to you not being where I thought was best - here with us. I had a long hard think about it yesterday, watching the news filled with depressing stories about death and loss, and I see how hard not knowing is - for the parents waiting for news of Madeleine McCann, their little baby abducted in the Algarve; for Becky waiting for news about Ken who was on that Kenya Airways plane. After what happened to you Papa, I also see how hard knowing is - for the family admitted to hospital with food poisoning being told that the children didn't make it, for the six people whose car broke down on the M25 and whose rescue vehicle subsequently collided with a truck killing all of them. Just when you think everything will be alright, it all comes to naught. Like you used to say so often and so wisely, "man proposes, God disposes".

I love you Papa and I miss you very much. I just wish you didn't have to go away.